


No time for rest, No way to forget

by ofEmeraldStars



Series: Tales of rooming together [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson
Genre: Emo Raphael Santiago, Gen, Lots of Doors, and a surprise conversation in the hallway, idk how to tag!!, is that a good tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 10:40:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9544337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofEmeraldStars/pseuds/ofEmeraldStars
Summary: He remembered carrying Simon’s lifeless body all the way from the hotel to the Institute. The walk felt like it was never ending, like his own personal hell. It felt like he was reliving that night from many, many decades ago. The night he became a soulless creature. The night he took the life of his innocent friends and became amonster.





	

Raphael waited by the door for Magnus to emerge from Simon’s room. He didn’t know what happened inside or what they talked about since Magnus made sure to make all the rooms sound proof ever since he moved in a week ago. Not knowing what happened behind the closed door made him itch. Seeing Simon filled him with both excitement and dread since the last time they saw each other he was betrayed by the young vampire and Raphael issued a kill order on him.

Once Magnus closed the door behind him Raphael was already by his side, eyes burning into the warlock’s, face begging for anything. Begging that he wouldn’t make him voice his thoughts. Magnus’ eyes searched his face and after what was a moment, a moment too long in Raphael’s opinion, he sighed and nodded to be followed.

They walked into another room and Raphael knew right away that it was Magnus’ bedroom. He was grateful for the privacy. Less of a chance that the fledgling would walk in on them. He stopped a couple of steps into the room, awkwardness seeping into his bones. This wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, his _feelings_. Especially after the betrayal, the feelings he started to develop before that were staring back at him, making him hate himself for not seeing it, for letting it come that far.

“What have you told him?” Raphael finally broke the silence, knowing that Magnus was waiting for him to speak.

“Only the essentials. Camille came back, took over and you’re safe here,” he stated simply as if trying to detach himself from it all.

Raphael nodded and walked over to the bed to sit down, elbows resting on his knees, hands covering his face. He knew Magnus hadn’t moved from where sat in front of the mirror ever since they came into the room.

“I don’t know if I can face him, Magnus. The betrayal… it _hurt_. But at the same time, I wasn’t that surprised that it came to that. He never really wanted to be there, be part of the clan. What am I supposed to do?” he looked up at Magnus with an imploring expression.

“You could tell him it was you who suggested to me to let him stay here?”

But the former vampire leader shook his head at the suggestion. “He’ll probably think I did it to get something from him. He distrusts me. In a way, he’s just like the Shadowhunters.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you? He’s been thrown into this, he still needs time to adjust. You weren’t who you are now right after you were turned either if you remember? And at that time there was no war about to start either. Give the boy a chance, Raphael. I think he has potential,” Magnus gestured with his fingers as he spoke, his voice calm yet stern.

“I know, but that doesn’t change what he did. I’m just glad that it was only me that Camille was after and that she let the others be… it could have been much worse. She could have killed everyone who was on my side.”

“Losing you is just as bad, worse even, than losing anyone from your clan, my little ice-cream cone,” Magnus said firmly earning an eye-roll from Raphael at the term of endearment. “Just have a talk with the boy. He looked devastated when he thought Camille killed you.”

“He probably felt guilty.”

“If you think so, but I think there’s more. The boy cares deeply, he reminds me a bit of myself in my younger years, but he makes mistakes just like everyone else. Hear him out, Raphael; I think you of all people would understand why he did what he did.”

Looking away from Magnus’ intense gaze, Raphael chewed his lower lip as he thought about his friend’s words. Would there really be a reason that would make him understand why Simon betrayed him? He knew that their relationship started out shaky with him kidnapping the mundane, but he never meant for any of this to happen, for Simon to die, for him to become a vampire. Yet he wanted to teach him the ways like Magnus was there for him once when he needed it the most. Maybe he was too fast to judge.

“ _Alright_ , I will hear him out,” Raphael agreed and stood up, walking towards the door but stopping before opening it. “But I do expect an apology for what happened,” he added and walked out not waiting for a reply.

What Raphael didn’t expect was to stop in the hallway staring at Simon as he stared back at him. He wanted to face the fledgling another day, or well night, but to go to his own room he needed to walk towards him and that surely would not end in silence.

“Raphael, I-“ Simon spoke up before Raphael even got to move.

Raphael raised his hand to stop him, he wasn’t sure he was ready to hear what he had to say right then. He already felt emotionally exhausted after the talk with Magnus and needing to keep a stoic face in from on Simon now, he was just _tired_.

“Can we… talk about this another time? I’m tired,” he said, not making eye contact with him.

Simon bit his lip and it looked like it took everything he had to not start one of his rambles. Out of the corner of his eye, Raphael could see him give a short nod and with that, he finally felt like whatever pinned him onto the spot was gone. He took one step then another until he passed by Simon, their shoulders almost touching.

When he reached his door and grabbed the door handle a relieved sigh escaped his lips. Raphael was finally free from the gaze, from the overwhelming feelings he was trying to push deep down inside himself, but he thought so too early.

“I’m sorry, for everything. I never meant for this to happen,” Simon spoke in a defeated whisper but Raphael still heard it all, still heard how his voice almost broke in the middle of it.

_‘I never meant for this to happen.’_ It was too familiar, too close to home and he remembered. Raphael remembered the dark room, surrounded by an enemy who could kill him and be praised for getting rid of a filthy vampire.

He remembered carrying Simon’s lifeless body all the way from the hotel to the Institute. The walk felt like it was never ending, like his own personal hell. It felt like he was reliving that night from many, many decades ago. The night he became a soulless creature. The night he took the life of his innocent friends and became a _monster_.

Those words haunted him then just as they did right now. It was his fault Simon’s life ended. Of course, he knew other factor played in but in the end, it was him that started his downfall. He wanted to crumble against the door, wanted it to hold his weight cause he couldn’t hold his own anymore. But he couldn’t show weakness in front of others, not when people were so eager to use it against him.

Standing still, silence fell over them and Raphael wondered if Simon was waiting for a reply. What was he waiting for? Slowly, he turned his head to look at him, his knuckles turning white as they gripped at the door handle, and the moment his eyes fell upon him Raphael knew he had made a mistake. He should have just gone inside, face it another day.

“I know,” he whispered, barely audible to his own ears but he knew that he was heard the moment Simon’s whole being relaxed.

“Good night, Simon.”

With that, he opened the door and stepped inside not waiting for a reply but as the door closed behind him he heard it anyway, so softly spoken as if a secret meaning was hidden behind the simple words.

“ _Sleep well.”_

**Author's Note:**

> i've been so lazy lately and unmotivated when it comes to actually writing something. but i've got a writing app that hopefully will get me back on track so that i do get to write some of the fics i have planned!! yay for me!!
> 
> also kudos and comments and cookies and love for the lonely soul <3
> 
> thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed it! (if there's anything you might wanna see implemented in this roommates series leave me a suggestion!)


End file.
